I am approaching my last chemo treatment in the next three weeks. I wanted to take time to share some moments from the past 6 months. The following are glimpses into my “cancer journey journal”. I chose one or two entries from each month. My prayer is that God uses these to bring, hope, peace and encouragement to you in your journey.
December 29, 2014
I had my appointment with my team of doctors today. I found out I have invasive ductile carcinoma. My diagnosis is that the cancer is stage 3 (in breast tissue & lymph nodes), grade 3 (aggressive & fast growing), and triple negative (not hormone receptive).
This does NOT define me!
I have had good moments and hard moments in this journey so far. God has been with me every step of the way. Plus the support of my family and friends. Matt, Breanna and Alyssa are my greatest joy and treasures.
January 25, 2015
In the mid morning I started to struggle and focus on how my body felt and then focus on how I felt emotionally. This became overwhelming and I didn’t see how I could make it 5 months. Thank you Holy Spirit for coming like a flood and turning my eyes on you. You and You alone are my hope and strength.
January 28, 2015
The day is made of moments
And moments fill my days
These changing moments
These changing emotions
One constant remains
It is you oh Lord
February 1, 2015
Lord, I am amazed at how close you are to me. There have been moments when I literally feel you holding me. Your presence is my strength carrying me through each moment. Just the mention of Your name & peace overwhelms me. Even in my sleep last night as I would wake my mind would just think Jesus and your presence came flooding in. Peace overcame anxiety and I fell back asleep. I will lie down and sleep in peace for you alone oh Lord make me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8
February 2, 2015
I am trying to prepare myself for losing my hair. there is now way to do this. I cannot imagine myself without hair. I am concerned I will look so ugly. I am worried my head will be bumpy. Really the list goes on.
God has been so close to me in each appointment, test, and procedure. He will be with me when I lose my hair , along with my amazing family. The scripture came to mind that he knows the number of the hairs on my head. (Matthew 10:30) His care for me is of personal and precise. when my hair does fall out He is the only that knows the number. WOW! I can face this with You oh Lord my rock.
March 19, 2015
Today is treatment day. I gain a new med today and schedule. Go every week for 12 weeks. So thankful for God’s peace overwhelming me.
Everything went great! No allergic reactions and I feel good. I was fearful, anxious and dreading this day last week and especially a few weeks ago. You oh Lord made it a great day! Only YOU- You take my fears, anxiety worries and go before me throwing them out and hand me peace, joy calm, and healing.
March 29, 2015 (during hospital stay)
I have never been this sick before. In the night when I was struggling so much physically I was worshipping in my heart. The songs I listen to just ran through my heart and mind. Matt also played worship music all night a few nights. Declaring God’s truth. My physical body was fighting and struggling but my Spirit was strong, praying and worshipping my God!
April 16, 2015
Praise God I was able to have chemo today. TEN more to go! Thank you Lord being with me. I feel good and I am thankful fryer strength and help Lord.
I love 2 Corinthians 12:9 (Amplified) Lord show yourself off in my weakness and infirmity. Pitch the tent of You presence over me and dwell there!
May 7, 2015
Today was emotional. Dr. Perkins let us know after my exam that the tumor is not responding to degree that it needs to. He added another medication to my treatment. This medication has been through clinical trial in treating triple negative breast cancer with good results. Matt and I had seen this studies in our research, so it made the decision easier for us to agree with adding it. Dr. Perkins is a great doctor and I trust his expertise.
I am trusting God that I will respond wonderfully. This tumor will disappear in Jesus name. I am very concerned and battling worry and fear. I have to actively come against those thoughts and focus on God. He is my hope and His perfect love casts out fear!
May 14, 2015
This morning is hard emotionally. Emotions of all of this just came at me. It all just stinks!! I don’t have hair. I am so ready to have hair. It gets consuming dealing with the side effects. I let myself cry more about it than I have before. I realized I have to give myself more of these times to grieve what I am going through.
May 27, 2015
So many feelings and some just too hard to put into words. Thank you God I can pour out my heart to you. You take my thoughts and feelings and make them obedient to Your Word. You strengthen me in your grace to move on. Moving Forward!
June 11, 2015
Dr. Perkins had to leave the office for an emergency, so I didn’t get to see him today. One of my nurses, Katie, checked my records and according to what is there July 2nd is my last treatment. I am so excited to reach this milestone. Just THREE more to go!